If We Were a Movie
by MPGirl
Summary: Blair Waldorf has the perfect movie of her life that no one but herself watches. CB mostly but NB in the beginning.
1. Chapter 1

_**If We Were a Movie. . .**_

Thanks to Tatiana!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl or the Character, only in the movie in _my_ head.

* * *

_A dream is a wish your heart makes  
When you're fast asleep  
In dreams you lose your heartaches  
Whatever you wish for, you keep_

Reality:

It has been two days since Blair had heard anything from Serena. She has been calling her cell phone constantly and has left eight messages. She's left more text messages than she can count:

S-

_Hey you wanna get some coffee later?_

Love, B

S-

_No coffee? lol when you sober up call me._

Love, B

S-

_Nate's avoiding me! I don't know what I did. I need your help._

Love, B

S-

_Why no response? Are you avoiding me too? _

Love, B

S-

_It's been 36 hours with no word and I'm getting worried so please respond when you get this kay?_

Love, B

S-

_Ditching? You normally at least let me know but nothing._

Love, B

It only gets worse from this point on. Blair calls Serena's house next. Something she normally never does. Why should she when Serena has a cell phone? Too bad she won't answer it.

Blair fidgeted with her straight hair as she waited for someone on the other line to answer. She didn't like her hair very much. It was so boring and lacked the volume of the girls in the magazines. It was forgettable.

"Hello," a perky yet icy voice rang through the other line.

"Hello, it's Blair. I'm calling for Serena?" She recognized the voice as Lily's. "She didn't come to school today."

"Oh hello, Blair, umm. . ." She was pausing. That couldn't be good. _Is S okay? Oh, my God, she better not be hurt._

"Ms. Van der Woodsen, is Serena in?"

"I'm surprised that she didn't tell you herself. Shocked, actually," Lily's voice lowered. Blair had to slam the phone to her ear to hear better, not that she wasn't already doing it from anticipation.

_What the hell?_ "Why? What happened to Serena? Is she okay?"

Lily cleared her throat and inhaled deeply, "Blair, Serena left."

Blair's voice raised an octave, "Left? What, when, where did she go?" Her voice was now straining from the effort of holding back tears.

"Serena is now attending boarding school in Connecticut. You know how wild she is, it's for the best." Lily seemed to be trying to convince herself that she didn't miss Serena too.

"Yeah..." Blair didn't think not having her best friend would ever be for the best, but whatever. "Thanks, bye." Blair mumbled into the phone. Her face was wet with tears, but she didn't care. She hailed a cab and went to see her boyfriend, Nate.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
She knocked furiously on the door, her knuckles turning red. "Nate, answer, please! It's me, Blair!"

On the other side of the crimson door, Nate Archibald and his best friend, Chuck Bass, were laying against a wall in a lazy fog.

"Is someone yelling?" Nate asked drowsily.

"Yes, Nathaniel. Your girlfriend is calling."

Nate's look went blank, then he smiled slightly. "I tune her out sometimes, man"

"Well, I can't. So can you get that?" Chuck shut his eyes but continued to speak, "She's interrupting my high." Nate moved to answer the door.

Blair looked up at him, her big brown eyes shining with oncoming tears. "Finally!" She threw her arms around him without saying another word.

"Hey, Blair." He held her stiffly. "Was I expecting you?"

"No, but I had to come, you are not going to believe this." She kissed him lightly on the lips then walked into the living room.

"Hello, Chuck," she said with an air of put-upon disgust.

Chuck's eyes were still closed as he responded, "Blair Waldorf, what brings you here today?" He opened his small eyes and his glance ran down the length of her body. She rolled her eyes in response.

"I was just getting to that." Blair reached for Nate's hands. He had moved them away, but Blair hadn't noticed. She grabbed on and held him tightly.

Nate was speaking to her, "Umm, what happened?" He was facing her but wasn't meeting her gaze.

Blair came out with it, "Serena's going to boarding school in Connecticut and she didn't bother to tell anyone!"

"She's gone," Nate said, lost in his own world. He left Blair's side and rolled another joint.

"Way to state the obvious," Blair snapped. Why was he going over there?

"I wonder why," Chuck mused. He wanted to smirk because he knew the answer to that question, but had decided against it because even in her depressed state Blair might have noticed that something was off.

"I just can't believe she didn't even say goodbye," her voice cracked, pain showing through. She was facing Nate, waiting for him to respond. He didn't say anything, just inhaled his joint. He wasn't even paying attention to her. "Nate, hello? You here?" Blair shrieked at him.

"God, yes, Blair." He didn't need this. "You don't need to scream." He stood up and started to walk off.

"Where are you going?" She stood up too and awaited her answer which never came. Nate just walked into his bathroom leaving silence and a devastated Blair Waldorf behind.

Chuck had observed the whole argument. It wasn't the first time he had seen Nate and Blair fight. He was left alone with Blair and that wasn't the first time that had happened, either. She was breaking. The tears were coming in spurts and he could hear her muffled cries. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his hankie.

"Here, clean yourself up." She took the cloth and dabbed her eyes.

Her voice was raspy from crying as she said, "Thanks"

"If I have to look at someone, I like them to look their best."

She scoffed, "Wow, kick a girl when she's down."

"I never said you looked bad." He pursed his lips.

She was so tired of this day but she had time for a fight. "Just not my best," she threw his hankie back at him. Chuck jumped back. He didn't want to touch it.

He sneered through a compliment, "Yeah, sure, but you always look good, Waldorf."

An on that note, Blair turned to leave. "See you later, Bass." She didn't look back but knew he was smiling behind her.

Movie: 

She looked gorgeous, thin and delicate with thick curls surrounding her face. Tears were staining her face but they complemented her rather than making her skin blotchy. "Nate!" She knocked only once and he came to answer the door.

"Sweetheart," he spoke gently. She threw her arms around him and didn't say another word. She cried into his shoulder and he kissed her head lightly. "Hey, what's wrong? Hmm, what happened?"

"Serena left." Concern flickering across his face, "She didn't even say good bye" Blair sobbed.

"Come inside," and with that, Nate took her by the hand. They were all alone now.

"Come here," he held his arms out again. He hugged her for a minute until her cries stopped. His hands migrated to her face. His hands were so careful, like he was holding the most precious thing in the universe between them. Blair's brown eyes met Nate's blue ones before he spoke, "It's all going to be okay. I know you'll miss her, but you have me and I'm not going anywhere." His blue eyes pierced her very soul. "I love you, Blair."

"I love you too, "affection filling her voice. "You always say the right thing."

He laughed, "I try." Then he reconnected both of his hands with hers as he kissed her.

Reality:

That's all she ever wanted, just for him to try.

Blair sobbed herself to sleep that night. Tears poured till her tear ducks had nothing left to give. When asked about her wet pillow case the next morning by Dorota, Blair said she had spilled water on it. Too bad Blair never drank anything before bed.

* * *

So each chapter will be of a different moment in Blair's life, comparing what really went down with how Blair hoped/convinced herself it happened. See you next time hopefully and thanks for reading!


	2. Dream me Near

_**Chapter two: Dream me near**_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters

* * *

_Ask me once and I'll come  
I'll come running  
And when I can't be with you, dream me near  
Keep me in your heart and I'll appear  
All you gotta do is turn around  
Close your eyes  
Look inside  
I'm right here_

Reality: 

Her eyes were imploring. "We should go out tonight," Blair propositioned her boyfriend of many years, Nate Archibald.

"Yeah." He tried for a small smile, but his eyes weren't shining.

Since Serena left, things had been different. A crack had been exposed and it seemed to keep widening. Blair was trying desperately to bridge the gap, but Nate seemed indifferent. It was driving Blair crazy not to know why. What was going on in his pretty little head?

They arrived at the Waldorf's building and stopped as the awkwardness engulfed them. "I could walk you up. . ." Nate spoke the words but didn't seem to want to actually do it.

"No, thanks," Blair spat out in annoyance. "I can take an elevator by myself."

She looked at him for a goodbye kiss. They could at least end on decent terms. He leaned down but, instead of kissing her mouth, gave her a peck on the cheek. He smiled adorably and then left. Blair's heart melted a little at his smile, but her heart was aching too much to manage a smile herself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The elevator doors parted and Blair saw her mother and father sitting together in the living room. Blair's heart became a little lighter at the scene and she made her way over to them. She paused at the entryway when she saw them whispering, angry expressions etched on their faces. Her mother elbowed Harold to notify him of their daughter's arrival.

"Mother, Daddy." She flashed a little smile in greeting. She shifted her eyes to the luggage next to her father. Just one small bag, but it was part of a designer set. Harold Waldorf always used the whole set, which meant he had more bags packed elsewhere. "Are you going somewhere?" She tried to keep her lips curved into that same slight smile, but she soon lost the battle and a frown appeared on her mouth.

"Sweetheart, your mother and I have to talk to you." His kind eyes worked their magic and calmed Blair despite the ominous words he spoke. So Blair took a seat in a comfy chair and sat attentive. She needed to find out what was going on. She couldn't be in the dark about another thing in her life. Answers were what Blair Waldorf wanted and her parents were ready to give them to her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

_They have to work this out._ "What do you mean you're 'leaving'? Where are you going?" She tried to keep her voice level, to not let the throbbing in her chest invade her speech. "Just somewhere else in the city, right?" Blair assumed. _He can't leave me with her. _

"No, darling, somewhere a bit further away."

"The suburbs. . ." Blair twitched her nose in revulsion at the thought. _Ew, that's so middle class._

"Oh, get out with it already, Harold," Eleanor Waldorf vented. "Blair, your father is moving to France." Blair's eyes widened, tears stinging the edge, ready to spill over.

"That's too far away! How can you do this to me?" Blair let the tears fall, "Won't you miss me?" _Why is everyone leaving me? What am I doing wrong?_ So many questions, with no answer Blair would like.

"Of course I will, Blair Bear. Every day." He meant what he said.

"Why France? You don't even know anyone there." Blair shook her head side to side, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"He's not going alone," Eleanor spat the words out. Her expression was murderous but the pits of her eyes were distraught, glazed over with the tears she would shed later.

Blair looked at her father for confirmation. He didn't speak, so Blair croaked, "Who?"

He murmured, "His name is Roman."

"His? You're leaving Mom for a man?" This was too much for her to handle. Her insides had been torn open from this conversation and she was not going to allow herself collapse in front of them. "Oh," was all she said in response. She wiped the tears from her face, trying to clean herself up. Blair's heart ached, a dull sharp pain, all in anticipation of missing her father.

"I'm sorry, Blair." Harold was unnerved; this had not gone was well as he hoped. He checked his watch and sighed, "I have to leave now or I'll miss my plane." Blair stared at him with her glassy brown eyes and her expression broke his heart. He walked over and kissed her forehead gently, "I love you, Blair Bear. Be good for me, kay?" She sniveled a yes, and then he picked up his bag and walked into the elevator.

The doors shut and Eleanor Waldorf broke, weeping on her expensive furniture; her eyes red and her body trembling. Blair patted her on the back as silent tears escaped her own frozen eyes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair was gripping the side of her pillow, her eyes shut tightly, desperately trying to block out the afternoon's events. She glanced at her clock and noticed the time: she had to get ready for her date with Nate. Her phone buzzed. The I.D said 'Natie'. Blair smiled to herself, remembering that Serena had programmed it that way.

Blair,

_Something came up. Can we meet at the palace for drinks at 6:00?_

Love, Nate

Blair replied that it was fine and proceeded to get ready.

Blair, dressed in a slinky but conservative navy blue dress, entered the palace hotel. She surveyed the bar for Nate, but all she saw was Chuck Bass wearing his trademark scarf and a smirk to match. He signaled for her to come over with his hand. Blair rolled her eyes in his direction but went over just the same.

"Where's Nate?"

"Take a seat." Chuck motioned for the bar tender and suggested, "Have a drink."

Blair stood still. "Answer the question, Bass."

"He's passed out in my suite."

Blair sat down on the bar stool and turned to face Chuck as she asked, "What did you do to him?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist," he replied, a grin present on his face at her annoyance. "His dad was riding him about some grade. I told him to kick back, have a few drinks. Guess dear Nathaniel couldn't handle it."

"So you got him smashed. Great job," Blair gulped the drink that had been placed in front of her. Chuck watched her carefully waiting for more bitching and noticed her eyes were sunken, sad. Blair ordered, "Another," and the bar tender placed another mixed concoction in front of her.

"You're going through drinks like you do heels, Blair. It can't all be because Nate stood you up"

She glanced quickly at Chuck before returning toher drink. "Of course, what else would it be?"

He lowered his voice. "Something's gotten under your skin."

She faced him, hating that he was right. "How do you know that?"

Chuck spoke with confidence, "I know everything."

Blair chuckled sarcastically, "You just think you do."

"Maybe. What's your secret, Blair?" She stared at him, unwilling to play along. "Its not sex because you're the virgin queen bee and you're a freak about your grades so you can't be failing."

"I'll leave that to the Chuck Basses of the world," Blair said unkindly.

"It takes effort to fall asleep in class everyday, and the other stuff just comes naturally to me," He leered. "Serena, maybe?"

"Nope. She hasn't contacted me once." Chuck felt rumblings of sympathy in his stomach, saying _I know why_. But he washed away the feeling with a drink of scotch.

"Okay, so that leaves family." Blair flinched, "Don't tell me your parents are getting divorced."

"If you must know, yes, they are...My father left my mother today."

Chuck continued questioning, "Affair?"

She stared at him incredulously. "Yes."

Noticing her expression, he explained, "Every scandal is the same, just with different variables. So is it his secretary or younger? Probably both. Ooh, an old flame. That hasn't happened in a while."

She almost smiled, _ugh, only on the Upper East Side._ "A model."

"Common enough," he shrugged.

"A male model." She downed another drink.

"Now things have gotten interesting," he said deviously. Blair wasn't amused.

Blair stood up. "Well, now you really do know everything and I'm leaving."

Trying to be as persuasive as possible, he smirked as he asked, "So soon?"

The smile did nothing for Blair; she was just as icy as ever in her reply. "Why would I stay with you?"

"Who else to scheme with? It always makes you feel better." That was true.

"I'm not planning on destroying my parents." Though the idea was tempting after the day they had put her through.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Prince Charming." Blair looked at him in disgust. "Just for fun, of course. We won't implement our plans." Blair returned to her seat at the bar. _Social destruction __has always been__ a great pick me up._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair was more than a little tipsy as she stumbled into Chuck Bass' limo. They had decided to call it a night, but that didn't mean the scheming ended there.

Chuck proposed, "We could get him arrested for drug possession."

"How Machiavellian of you," Blair said, sarcasm thick in her voice. "But everyone does weed," she bit back.

"Not everyone gets arrested." Chuck had a very stupid grin on his face.

Blair giggled, "It's so juvenile"

He leaned in closer to her. "Well, we are in high school."

She naturally leaned in as well. "That's never stopped us before."

A gleam danced in his eyes. "I know it's never stopped me," he whispered.

After that Blair regressed into her own world. She placed her head against the tinted window. As she replayed the day, her heart felt weighed down again. It felt lower, further back in her body. Dream Land was calling.

Movie:

The elevator doors parted and Blair couldn't believe her eyes. A beautiful blond girl was sitting on her couch waiting for her.

"Serena..." Blair choked out the word.

"Blair!" Serena hugged her friend tightly.

Blair was so happy to see her friend again, but Serena had been ignoring her. She didn't just get to come back and have things be peachy keen. "Is there a reason you're here?"

"I called. Your mom said your dad was leaving for France. I knew I had to come see if you were okay."

Blair shook her head slightly. "I can't believe you came."

"B, I'm your best friend." Serena was always so genuine.

"Everything is horrible. What will people think?" Blair started to cry, but this time she wasn't alone.

"You're a Waldorf remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them." Serena was looking Blair straight in the eye, trying to get her message through. "We'll get through this together."

"Promise?" Blair asked, her glassy chocolate eyes questioning.

"Promise." Serena's blue eyes showing her sincerity. _Together._

Reality:

He questioned her once more,"You're okay?" His eyes were soft and welcoming.

She couldn't fool Chuck so she didn't answer. "See you at school, assuming you show up"

He smirked to himself. "Monday it is, Waldorf."

Blair went straight to her room, past the muffled cries of her mother. She slammed the door and pulled out her cell phone. She tried to call Serena for the first time since Blair had found out Serena was in boarding school. She needed her best friend tonight. Ring. . . ring. . . then voice mail. Blair hung up, she wasn't leaving some pathetic message. She slumped over to her desk and pulled out a piece of paper.

She was all alone. So she took her frustrations out in a letter.

_Dear Serena,_

_My world is falling apart. My father left my mother for a thirty-one year old model. A male model. I feel like screaming because I have no one to talk to. You're gone. My dad is gone. Nate's acting weird. Where are you? Why won't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much._

_Love, Blair _

There were tear droplets on the paper, but Blair had tried not to cry on the words. It was readable. Now Serena just had to read it.

Blair got dressed and fixed her make up, ready to walk down to the mailbox, but she couldn't do it. Tears filled her eyes again and she gripped the letter tightly. If she sent the letter than she would be acknowledging that its contents are actually true. So Blair marched back up stairs, opened the drawer in her desk and placed the letter inside. She closed the drawer shut and wouldn't look at the letter again until its intended reader's return.

* * *

Next up Serena returns and Nate spills a secret. Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter. Hope you liked the update!


	3. The Way Dreams Are

_**Chapter 3: The way dreams are**_

Thanks to my lovely Beta!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip girl of any of its characters

* * *

_Is there nothing left now?  
Nothing left to sing  
Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?  
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?_

_Justice I could find you, do the wicked never lose?  
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?_

_And nothing is okay  
Till the world caves in _

Reality:

Blair pulled Nate into her bedroom, kissing him hungrily. She needed to do this now, before Nate found out about Serena. She stared at his perfect face affectionately, "I love you, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will."

He looked back and said the only acceptable response, "I love you, too." They resumed their previous activity and continued to undress each other.

A voice from outside interrupted, "Blair, it's Serena!"

Nate broke the kiss and breathed, "Serena."

_Not now! _Trying to regain his attention, she exclaimed, "Serena's at school. Kiss me."

"No, I just heard your mom say she's here." Nate moved away from Blair and proceeded to get dressed. "Don't you wanna go say hey?"

Blair slipped the top half of her dress, which was partly off, back on. She gave in and surrendered. "Yeah, totally." Blair paused for a moment before following Nate,_ I'm ready to have sex with him and he just leaves. Why does she have to come now?_

Blair finally emerged from her room to see Nate smiling dreamily at Serena. She buried her resentment and attempted to seem thrilled. She cooed, "Hi, Serena! So good to see you." She threw her arms around Serena in conjunction with her greeting.

Serena spoke over Blair's last words, "Good to see you!"

Blair put on her most persuasive voice. "Come, we're about to have dinner."

Eleanor happily interjected, "I'll set a place for you at the table next to Blair."

"Actually, umm, there is somewhere I have to go," Serena spoke uneasily.

"You're leaving," a grin crept on to Blair's lips.

"Yeah, I just, I don't feel well. I just wanted to come by and say hi." Serena said as she made her exit. "I'll see you at school tomorrow." _She's gone, thank God, but she's staying. . ._

Blair, having migrated over to Kati and Is, said in a defeated tone, "School? So I guess she's back for good."

"Didn't you know she was coming?" Is questioned Blair.

Keeping her cool, Blair made something up on the spot, "Of course I did. I just wanted it to be a surprise." Is and Kati returned to their phones and Blair lowered her head, a sad pout on her face.

Unbeknownst to Blair, Chuck was lingering not too far behind. A smirk was present on his mouth as he watched the exchange. Chuck, who was now standing right over Blair's shoulder, murmured "Boo."

"I'm quaking in my boots, Chuck," Blair said, her voice thick. "Though I suppose in that hideous outfit, you are kinda scary."

"Pink is a good color for me. Besides, I'm not the one you're afraid of." Blair urged him to continue with her eyes, so he added, "Serena's back..."

Partially releasing her frustration, she vented, "I can't believe she just showed up!"

"Serena was never known for planning in advance," Chuck reasoned.

"Just for shooting her reputation to hell, among other things," Blair let out a cruel chuckle.

Chuck deadpanned, "So many fond memories."

Blair replied with her own sarcastic remark, "You know how much I enjoy your sarcasm, Chuck."

Chuck suggested, "There are a lot of things of mine I think you would enjoy."

Blair spoke with a mix of revulsion and anger, "Ugh, I'm not in the mood, Chuck."

Leaning in, he whispered, "I could fix that." Blair shoved his face away and stalked off.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When Serena first left, Blair had missed her terribly, but slowly she started to see the benefit of her golden goddess of a friend's departure. Blair finally had the spotlight that she had craved for so long, had all the attention she needed. Well, except from Nate. Things had shifted in their relationship, but it was only a temporary thing, Blair was sure of it.

Blair had made her own world while Serena was gone and she wasn't going to just get to shove her way back into it. That was why Blair had stood her ground on the steps of the Mets, refusing to give Serena an invite to the Kiss on the Lips party. Blair had been the uncontested Queen Bee at Constance Billiard since Serena's departure and she was going to keep it that way if she had anything to say about it. She finally had the power. Then Serena asked to meet at the Palace for drinks and, upon Blair's acceptance, it titled slightly in her favor. Serena hadn't won the showdown, but she wasn't out of the game, either.

Blair was sitting dutifully in her bedroom, waiting for Nate to show. She was more than a tad nervous, so she searched for things to take her mind off of what she was about to do.

Flipping through the day's events she thought back to meeting Serena at the Palace for drinks. The two best friends had patched things up. The ice first started melting when Serena had assured her she wasn't going to take Blair's throne away.

_"I saw you at school with Kati and Is and I get it. I don't want to take any of that away from you."_

_"Because it's just yours to take if you want it."_

_"No, that's not what I meant. I miss you." _

Blair had missed Serena, too. More than she would ever tell her. Serena was her only true friend, and she was right.

_"You're like my sister. And, you know, with our families, we need each other."_

Blair had needed Serena so much the past six months. No matter how much it hurt that Serena had not been there, Blair didn't want to go another six months without Serena, either.

_"I love you, B."_

_"I love you, too, S."_

You forgive the ones you love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

She had set up candles everywhere; she had picked out the perfect piece of lingerie. This was going to be perfect, no interruptions.

Nate opened the door and said in surprise, "Wow..."

She smiled adoringly at him. "Hi."

He greeted her as well, "Hi."

"Is it too much? I want it to be special." She kissed him lightly, but as she went in for another kiss, he pulled away. "What's wrong?"

_What now?_ Nate looked torn. "Look, I don't know how to say this. Or if it's even the right thing to do, but I . . . there's something I need to tell you." At the Shepherd wedding he and Serena had been drunk and after Blair had left. . .

"But that was it, you guys kissed," Blair said, teary eyed.

Of course it wasn't. _Not Nate too_, Blair broke and started crying hysterically. _This ruins everything._

_We were supposed to lose our virginities together, tonight. That was supposed to be mine, but he already . . . with Serena. Why does she have to take everything from me? Why can't I have just one thing? _Tears slid down Blair's cheeks.

Nate tried to comfort her, but Blair pushed him away, "I knew it! I always knew there was something, get out!" She screamed at him, pain cracking in each syllable she spoke. _Everyone wants Serena more. You were supposed to be different_.

Then he walked out and Blair fell to the ground, laying in a pool of her own tears, misery everywhere she looked._ What do I do now? _

Movie:

Serena Van der Woodsen strolled into the Waldorf penthouse looking weary. Her hair was dry and she seemed to have a small pimple on her chin.

"Serena..." Blair cooed, forcing sweetness into her voice.

"Blair!" Her friend seemed genuinely thrilled to be with Blair. "You look great!"

_I know._ "Thank you," Blair smiled deviously. She felt two strong hands come around her waist.

"Sweetheart," He whispered in her ear.

"Hey, Nate," Serena chimed in, interrupting the moment.

"Serena," He said with a small smile, "Welcome home." Nate was always so polite.

"Thanks." She looked at him with an adoring look on her face, but Nate ignored her, completely taken in by Blair.

"Umm, so dinner soon?" Serena said as she stood awkwardly, out of place.

"Yeah," Blair giggled as Nate breathed on her neck, "I'll get my mom to set a place for you." Serena hesitantly smiled in return.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hey, Blair," Serena walked up to meet Blair on the steps of the Met.

"Serena," Blair muttered. Not looking up from her conversation with Kati and Is.

"So, when's the party?" Serena said as she picked an invite that had fallen off the ground.

"You're kinda not invited, since until 12 hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school." Blair said it with a smile on her lips, but her tone was deadly.

"It's okay, I got a lot of stuff to do." Serena responded, trying not to seem hurt.

"Well, we should get going, then." Blair gathered her things, readying to depart from the Met steps. She directed her eyes at Serena as she passed- radiant eyes that were full of fury.

Serena called out from behind, "Blair, think we could meet tonight?"

Blair faked sweetness, "I'd love to! But I'm doing something with Nate tonight."

Serena wasn't giving up so easily. "The Palace. 8:00? Nate will wait."

"No, he won't, Serena. You can't just leave and expect everything to be the same when you come home." Blair laughed cruelly, "Besides everyone here got on fine with out you." _I'm sure she thought we missed her terribly. She deserves to know the truth. No one needs Serena._

Serena had tears on the edges of her eyes as Blair finished her off, "We're done here and hopefully, if you know what's good for you, you are, too." _I'm not letting you take anything from me._

Without another word, Serena turned and walked down the steps of the Met; she had surrendered. Blair was Queen Bee, with the perfect friends, the perfect skin and clothes, the perfect boyfriend. No one took that away from her, everyone had to know that.

Reality:

_Everyone will eat this up, the boyfriend and the best friend. I can't let them know, it can't happen. It'll just be like it didn't happen. All I have to do is fix things with Nate._ Fix it so that flashes of Nate with Serena didn't pop into her head at the mention of him. _And get rid of Serena, I don't need her in my life . . . not that two-faced slut. _

So the next day when Nate called to ask Blair for sushi, she accepted. At lunch, she had a disgusted expression on her face. She needed time to think of what to say and her stomach was churning. So she listened.

"Thanks for meeting me. Look, Blair. I really hurt you, but I know that and I wanna fix it."

Those were the words she wanted desperately to hear, but still she kept up her front. "Really? How you gonna do that?"

"I wanna put everything in the past. I'm not gonna see Serena again or even talk to her. It'll be like she doesn't exist."

"I think that's a good idea. Let's not mention it again." She reached over and grabbed a scrap of food off his plate and said cutely, "You gonna eat that?"

"That's it? Cause you were pretty upset last night. . I mean should we talk about this?" Nate said, bewildered.

_God, why?_ Blair verbalized her thought, "There's nothing to talk about. I overreacted. You say it's in the past, it's in the past. I'm sure you have no feelings for her anymore. I just feel bad for Serena. She'll really miss you." _Heh, not entirely true_, "What times' the limo come?"

"Eight." Nate said, still looking puzzled.

"Perfect," she talked with food in her mouth, a smile on the curve of her lips. She had it all back. No one would ever know. Now it was over and her 'perfect' life could resume.

* * *

Quick thanks for the reviews! You guys are awesome :)


	4. Naive

_**Chapter 4: Naive**_

Thanks to my Beta!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

* * *

_Oh, you're so naive yet so  
How could this been done  
By such a smiling sweetheart.  
Oh, and your sweet and pretty face  
In such an ugly world  
Something so beautiful.  
Oh, that every time I look inside_

_I know that she knows that I'm not fond of asking  
__True__ or false, it may be  
She's still out to get me_

_Just don't let me down  
Just don't let me down_

Reality:

Blair was in a perfect bubble, surrounded by beautiful, rich, important people. Sipping drinks and laughing, a pristine smile was lighting up her face.

Nate was hers and no one would ever know otherwise, not now that Serena had been dealt with that morning.

"_Look Blair. I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us."  
"It was. Until I found out you had sex with my boyfriend."_

Serena couldn't have thought Blair would never find out. Was she actually just going to go on pretending? At least Nate had told Blair the truth.

"_You know, I always knew you were a whore. I never took you for a liar too."  
_**_"_**_Blair, how can I fix this?  
_**_"_**_You don't, Serena. You just stay away, from me, my boyfriend, and my friends. You're done here."_

Blair had felt so good saying that. Like a dream come true. Nothing was going to burst her bubble today. Until Serena decided not to stay away, showing up with her lackey from Brooklyn instead.

Blair's face twitched in irritation and shock at the sight of Serena. She kept up her pristine smile but harshly murmured, "You've gotta be kidding."

Chuck leaned back into his seat and said, "This should be fun."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair was enduring the most boring conversation ever with the Captain about her mother's line.

The Captain said with his own brand of enthusiasm, "She's really going places."

"Hopefully places far, far away," Blair laughed. The captain furrowed his eyebrows and Blair covered her tracks with a, "Just kidding." Then, just as if she were a damsel in distress, her prince charming came to rescue her.

Nate snuck up from behind her and said lovingly, "Hey, let me get you a refill." He took the glass out of her hand, but first gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

"I'll go with you," the Captain said, directing his words at Nate. "Excuse us." He gave his son a pat on the shoulder and followed after him._ Finally that's over._

Blair wondered what to do next, now that she was alone... She turned around to see Chuck behind her, giving her a trademark goofy smile. _Aww cute, except not and totally slimy._

Speaking to Chuck, Blair whined, "Ugh, I can't believe Serena even came to this brunch. I told her to stay away." _I don't know why I'm surprised. She was supposed to stay away from Nate, but she didn't do that, either_.

"You worried about Nate?" Blair's lids became heavy. "Just a shot in the dark."

She nodded like _sure, right_. . . "I think you know what you need to do to get his attention." He then dangled a key in from of her.

She appraised the object as she asked, "What's that?"

Chuck switched the key in between his fingers as he said, "The key to my suite, Nate's heart and your future happiness." _Well, not exactly._

Blair looked greedily at the key and took it from Chuck fingertips. _She took the bait._

He gloated, "I'm honored to be playing even a small role in your deflowering." His voice getting lower with each word he spoke._ She'll leave that room as pure as she came in__**. **__I'm going to have to do something about that one day._

Blair responded immediately with the automatic reply, "You're disgusting."

Chuck was just as quick, "Yes I am. So why be shy?" He squeezed her arm playfully. "Go grab Nate and finish this and report back with details."He settled his hands in his pockets as he spoke.

She rolled her eyes at him as she walked away. And he looked after her, a darkness lurkingbehind his exotic eyes. She turned back to look at him one more time, hesitant about what she was about to do, before intercepting Nate, who was finishing a conversation with the Captain.

Blair directed Nate away from his father and asked,"What are you doing right now?"

"Ah, I was just gonna . . ." Blair took his face in her hands.

She propositioned him seductively, "How about me?"

"Umm," he said with a nervous chuckle.

Blair was slowly leading them towards the elevator, and they continued their conversation.

Chuck loomed in the background, watching the interaction. Nate relented and Blair giggled. They made their way into the elevator and Chuck just watched intently. _Finally. Now I just have to wait for the aftermath_. He had a plan in the works.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair pushed Nate backwards in to the room, kissing him forcefully, when he broke the kiss.

"Wait, this is Chuck's suite."

Serena turned around at the sound of his voice, "Nate"

Blair whipped her head around and said, outraged, "Serena."

"Blair," Serena said very half-heartedly. _He lied. He planned to see her again._

"Just to talk, I swear."

"You said you would never to speak to her again!"

_Liar. It was his idea in the first place! I forgave him. It was in the past. Why did he have to do this? We were supposed to . . . again. And he ruined it. Again. And I told that whore to stay away!_

"I asked her to come."

"Oh, so you do want to talk to her?"

"Yes, to explain why, why I'm not talking to her." The three shared an awkward look.

Frustrated, Blair said, "Maybe I'll leave you two to finish that fascinating conversation," and started backing out.

"Oh no no, I'll go," Serena walked toward Blair, in the most confrontational manner she could muster. "Leave you to get back to your quickie." _Seriously?_

Blair attacked, "It wasn't a quickie. Sex is actually kind of a big deal to some of us."

Serena's voice dripped with sarcasm in every word she spoke, "Oh yeah, I can see that. Chuck's bed. Very romantic, classy too."

Blair said, infuriated, "Oh, like you." She was ready to explode. _I'm classier than she could ever be on her best day._ _Too bad no one cares._

A wicked smirk adorning her face now, "I bet your new friend Dan would **love **to hear about how classy you are." Blair opened the door and ran.

"Dan . . ."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair had frantically pushed the elevator button. It closed right before Nate and Serena had caught up with her. She tapped her nails relentlessly on the ride down, nerves raking through her body. Adrenalin was pumping fast, pushing her to find her target. Blair introduced herself, putting up her sweetest front.

"Hi. I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend." She offered up her hand.

**"**Oh hey. Yeah. Do you happen to know where she is?"

**"**As a matter of fact I do." _See how he likes his goddess once he knows._

Serena intercepted, "Blair!" _She's can't stop me now_.

The conversation went in circles. However, Blair did get a chance to learn more heartbreaking news.

"Why weren't you talking? Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?"

**"**You were what?"

_He had been waiting for her. He went to her this morning. He didn't even go a day with out seeking her out. _Blair had convinced herself that Serena had tricked Nate to meet her once she showed up at brunch in the elevator. Knowing he went to see her was harder to erase. But not impossible, of course. Then Chuck showed up.

Dan vented his annoyance, "Oh, exactly what this situation needs: Chuck. Now what is going on here?"

**"**We were just getting to that."

Serena pleaded, **"**Blair, please, don't do this." _Why shouldn't I?_

Blair deadpanned,**"**Sorry, did you want to tell him?"

**"**I'll tell him," Chuck suggested.

Blair and Nateboth gasped: "You know?" _How the hell did he know!  
_  
He said menacingly, "I know everything."

_Nate didn't tell him because he was surprised, too. He's not smart enough to have faked that reaction. But how did he know? Why didn't he ever tell me he did?_

Chuck did tell Dan, doing Blair's work for her, "Look, Serena, stop trying to pretend you're a good girl. So you slept with your best friend's boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it."

**"**Is that true?" Dan asked.

Blair added on, **"**Oh, then she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know. Before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone with nothing but your Cabbage Patch kid." _See how much Daniel worships her now. _

Serena's chances with Brooklyn boy were ruined. Chuck and he getting into a little tussle was just an added bonus.

Nate said, **"**I hope you're happy." _How can he say that to me? After all he's done.  
_  
**"**Not even close." Blair was angry, sad, any emotion but happy described her as she stalked off.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair's long black eyelashes fluttered three times. She touched the side of her eye lightly, wiping away a tear. She looked in the mirror, straightened her dress, and walked out of the bathroom.

She was in Chuck's suite. She still had the key and she wasn't about to use a public restroom. Even at a five star hotel.

Chuck entered. His face displayed slight surprise at her appearance in his room, before returning to a less readable expression.

"You look happy,"he deadpanned.

"I don't know, maybe seeing my boyfriend with my ex-best friend when he promised he would never talk to her again just didn't make me particularly thrilled," She vented, then continued with a pointed look in Chuck's direction, "Or finding out you knew all along."_ He was there the whole time. We spent so much time together, and he never mentioned a thing. _

He remarked, a little taken aback, "You can't actually be mad at me." _I was helping her. It wasn't my secret to tell._

"I'm not mad. I admire you, really!" Blair took an old drink and threw it in Chuck's face. _What else can I throw?_

His eyes blinked, trying to see through the liquid, and he drawled, "You _are_ mad."

Blair questioned, "How? For how long did you know?"

"Enough with the twenty questions," he snapped at her. "I saw them that night, at the Shepherd—"

Blair cut him off, "You knew this whole time. You rat! When Serena left and Nate was acting all weird you knew and you just watched me squirm for you own enjoyment." _I needed the truth and he didn't say anything. _She threw a random book at him, but this time Chuck ducked.

"No need for physical violence." He grabbed her hand and pried the spoon she had planned on throwing from her grasp. "Besides, I clued you in this time."

"What?" She gazed at him as she put the pieces together. "You knew Nate was meeting Serena, too? You set a trap for me to see them." _I should have known._

"I was trying to be nice." He cringed slightly at the word _nice _escaping his lips.

She said bitterly, "Well, it was very humanitarian of you."

"It's more fun this way," He reasoned. "I thought you deserved to know this time." _He wasn't going to tell her. Serena deserved it, anyway. No one turns me down._

Her anger at him for withholding information was subsiding. Throwing things always helped.

_At least someone else let me know. No one seems to think I deserve the truth anymore, except Chuck. _Blair's insides warmed at Chuck's own twisted brand of honesty, but she didn't let him know that.

Blair looked at the book on the floor and Chuck wet suit and smirked, "If Nate comes looking for me, tell him I went home."

Chuck spat, "I'll give him the tip."

She waved and left Chuck wet in the middle of his suite.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

"I can't fix this if you don't even want to fix this!"

Blair grabbed at the end of her hair, pushing her fingers roughly through her forehead. She was at her wit's end. "I forgave you for everything. All you had to do was stay away from her and you couldn't even do that right." Tears poured down her face and Nate sat and listened, brooding in the dark corner. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Forgive me. Please, I will try harder." Nate begged, he moved in to the light and she could see his beautiful blue eyes were glazed over with tears. "I was an idiot. I'm so sorry, Blair"

Blair shook her head, choking back more tears, "You are a huge idiot."

"I know that. But I know Serena was a mistake. I know that your the one for me, you're perfect and beautiful. Serena could never compare and I know that now. I should have known that sooner."

Blair was relenting inside but still trying to keep strong. "You just keep ruining things."

"Nothing can ruin us if you don't let it. Just forgive me, and I promise things will be better." He held her close and she nodded her head into his chest.

_Nothing can ruin us if you don't let it._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

Nate lay beside Blair on her bed, the dark lighting matching the mood.

"Look Blair, you either forgive me or we break it off."

Cursing herself internally for all the words left unspoken, she took his hand in hers and continued to cry silently into her pillow.

* * *

Thanks for the reviews, hoped you liked the update. Next week poison ivy!


	5. Once Upon a Dream

_**Chapter 5: Once Upon a Dream**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

* * *

_I know you  
I walked with you once upon a dream.  
I know you  
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam  
Yes, I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem  
But if I know you, I know what you'll do  
You'll love me at once  
the way you did once upon a dream_

Reality: 

Serena was still not backing the hell off. The two had actually come to physical blows during field hockey. Then Serena had the nerve to ask for Blair to back off.

"_And I'm running out of patience. Enough okay?"  
"It's enough when I say it's enough."_

It hadn't been enough yet. Serena needed to be crushed. But, how? Without ammunition, Blair couldn't formulate a scheme. And who would help her get her this information? Only one name popped into Blair's mind; Chuck would be the perfect person to do Blair's dirty work for her.

Blair called Chuck and was forced to leave an angry message on his voicemail, "Answer your phone Chuck! Who else would call you anyway? Ew! Don't answer that, just call me back already. I don't have all day."

She called 2 more times but didn't leave a message. She didn't want to seem desperate.

Her cell phone buzzed and Blair snipped, "Finally."

Chuck retorted, "Well, hello to you too. I heard about the field hockey throw down. All those mouth guards and short skirts; I hope somebody filmed it."

Blair rolled her eyes, "Ugh, your heinous."

"Which is probably why you called," Chuck mused.

Blair's face lit up with a smile, "You know me well."

"Women like to pretend their they're complicated, I know better."

Blair rested the phone on her shoulder to block the microphone and said aloud, "My leg's numb now…, how about a heating pad?" Cady Kati and Is went scurrying and Blair returned to her phone conversation, "Serena cam home for a reason."

"One could only guess."

Blair declared, "I'm done guessing;, I want answers and no one likes to be on the ground floor of a scandal like Chuck Bass."

**"**I am a bitch when I wanna be."

"Opportunity to cause some trouble," Blair persuaded, "Uncover a secret."

"Take yes for an answer" _That was easy._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Admit it even for me, this is good" _It's not bad, _Blair lied to herself. She was giddy inside and it was seeping through to her expression.

"If you weren't such a perv I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second."

Chuck was leaning over Blair looking at the screen and he turned his face to her a little more as he said, "Defending my country that's a future I never imagined"

"With good reason, ugh what is she doing there?" _Drugs or alcohol? Or both? Definitely both_.

Chuck strutted across Blair's room and reflected, "What is anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted."

Blair turned around to face Chuck and smirked, "You must have your own wing." She had a grin spread across her face; she was radiant.

"You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit," He smiled back at her.

"So the question is what do you do now?"

"I was thinking . . ." Blair stood up from her computer chair and said, "Total social destruction"

"And here I thought you were getting soft," Blair tilted her head and grinned a bright, closed mouth smile.

He picked up a blanket from her bed as he murmured seductively, "So this is your bed huh?"

Blair's face fell immediately. She pulled the blanket away from his grip and ordered, "Leaving. Now."

He walked passed and glanced in her direction, "You can repay me another time."

_Yeah right._ _Only in your wet dreams Chuck._

Blair turned around and looked at her computer screen, she bit her lip and resumed her seat, smiling. _Chuck might be a world class pervert but he is useful. _

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

Chuck strutted across Blair's room and reflected, "What is anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted."

Blair turned around to face Chuck and smirked, "You must have your own wing." She had a grin spread across her face; she was radiant.

"You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit," He smiled back at her.

"So the question is what do you do now?"

"I was thinking . . ." Blair stood up from her computer chair and said, "Total social destruction"

"And here I thought you were getting soft," Blair tilted her head and grinned a bright, closed mouth smile.

He picked up a blanket from her bed as he murmured seductively, "So this is your bed huh?"

Blair said blankly, "So what?"

"Bed's have lots of possibilities, Waldorf." He stepped closer to her as he spoke, "You and me and a bed? Oh, the possibilities."

Blair stopped to consider what he said for a short moment, and then shot down the thought, "You and me are not a possibility. Ever." She instinctively moved closer as she spoke.

His face was just inches from hers; she could feel his hot breath on her skin as he said, "You sure about that?" Chuck moved his right hand to her back and swiftly pulled her face to his, his lips lightly brushing hers, electricity scorching though her veins. Then Blair pulled away and slapped Chuck right a across the face, outraged.

Blair felt a pull towards Chuck, wanting to kis—.

Stop. Rewind.

"I was thinking . . ." Blair stood up from her computer chair and said, "Total social destruction" Blair heard the buzz of her phone against her desk;. It it was a text from Nate that she didn't get to read.

"And here I thought you were getting soft," Blair tilted her head and grinned a bright, closed mouth smile.

He picked up a blanket from her bed as he murmured seductively, "So this is your bed huh?"

Blair's face fell immediately. She pulled the blanket away from his grip and ordered, "Leaving. Now."

He walked passed and glanced in her direction, "You can repay me another time." He made his way out but was unable to leave when Nate charged into the room, in a jealous fury.

"She's my girlfriend!" Nate sucker punched his best friend right in the eye.

Blair glowed inside but showed a shocked expression. Thanks goodness Nate was there to save her from this cretin; she should have never let him in her room in the first place.

Nate roared, "I heard the whole thing. What is wrong with you man?" Nate used his hands as quotes when he said, "Repay me later." He continued in disgust, "Hope you liked your payment."

He moved closer to Chuck aggressively, but Blair came between them, allowing a cowering Chuck to finally sneak out of Blair's room.

"Are you okay?" He asked protectively.

Blair huddled close to him and responded, "Of course. I'm just so glad you came when you did. Who knows what would have happened?"

Oh, the possibilities.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality: 

"So tell me about Yale . . ." Serena cooed to the Yale rep.

_So that's how she wants to go. I need to put my plan into action. Now._

Blair marched off, steely eye to find Chuck. "Can you please explain how Serena's commandeering the Yale rep while you're supposed to be his usher?"

Chuck kept his face a away form Blair's and said, "I switched." He turned to face Blair as he continued, "I'm trying to get into Princeton." Her eyes ran across his face, _He just gonna bail. Of course, he will for some MILF_.

Chuck noticed her face and attempted to cheer her up, "Oh, don't get your La Perlas in a bunch." He put his hand on her lower back playfully, "Look who's arrived." He broadly point out the guest rushing Blair over to meet this guest.

"Dr. Ostroff." He introduced, "Blair, Dr. Donald Ostroff."

Blair's face perked up and she greeted, "Such a pleasure. I've heard such wonderful things about you," and walked off with him.

Looks like Chuck came through for Blair after all.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"_It's because of their excellent program which aids so many young addicts and alcoholics that a student here with us today is clean and sober. At least for now. Can I please have Serena van der Woodsen join me on stage?"_

Blair had won. She had humiliated Serena and exposed her addictions to everyone present at the mixer, and, by the morning, everyone who's anyone will know as well.

_"Look I'm asking you, please, I'll stop if you will."  
"You're just saying that because today you lost. And you're going to keep losing. Now if you'll excuse me, unlike you, I have a future to get back to."_

Blair was victorious and no one could take that from her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair was chattering and smiling with her friends. She had won. Why shouldn't she be happy?

Erik intruded on the private group and spoke very directly, "Blair can I talk to you? It'll just take a moment."

"Sure, sure" Blair followed after him, her grin still present, despite the unusual occurrence.

They were in a more secluded area when Erik dived in to his explanation, "Serena's not a patient at the Ostroff center."

Blair of course didn't believe him. "Erik, you've always been a sweet kid and I can understand you trying to protect your sister—"

Erik cut her off, "I am" _No, no. He's obviously still trying to protect her._

So sure she was right, she said nonchalantly, "I've never even seen you take a drink."

"I'm not an alcoholic." He explained, "I did this." He pulled up the sleeve on his left on, revealing a vertical cut on the inside of his wrist. "And today Serena protected me."

Blair's body froze; she was stiller than ice itself, only stuttering, "Erik I-I"

"Didn't see that coming? Yeah. Well it must be a shock for someone who thinks she knows everything."

She was still grounded where she was, but Erik wasted no time and walked away, leaving Blair alone, her eyes glazed over in shock.

_He tried to kill himself and Serena came home. Serena had to pay but Erik . . . Crap. _

Suicide wasn't something Blair liked to mess with usually.

_I didn't know though and Serena totally used to over do it all the time. It was the logical conclusion. I didn't know so this really isn't my fault, anyway. Right._

She wasn't quite able to shake her guilt. Blair hated guilt; s. She was supposed to always be right.She gulped, pushing her shame down deeper.

Chuck sauntered up behind Blair, a drink in his hand, and inquired, "What was that all about?"

A moment passed before Blair lied, "Nothing."

Their eyes met, for just a second, as Blair turned to leave. Something was wrong, she wasn't going to tell him that and he wasn't going to push the subject but they both knew it, even if neither one was willing to verbally acknowledge the fact.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair paced back and forth in her bedroom, unable to decide if she should go through with her plan. She had changed her clothing and thought about what she wanted to say, all she had to do was open up the droordrawer. She stopped in front of the droordrawer for the third time and stared at it for seven seconds, not blinking. Than she blinked, rubbed her right eye and continued pacing.

After pacing for another four minutes Blair paused in front of her desk again. She stepped forward, than paused. _Breathe. _She wWalkeding forward, and she took hold of the handle and. She peered inside the droor drawer to see a small purple envelope. She reached her pale hand inside and extracted the needed material.

The envelope was still perfectly sealed;, unwrinkled. It was a little dusty but other wise it was identical to its condition the night Blair had written the letter, five months previously. Serena was finally going to hear its contents.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The rain poured down and Blair approached an oblivious Serena, who was sitting on a bench reading with a hat drooped low covering her face.

Blair broke the silence, "Whenever something's bothering you I can always find you here."

Serena was unreceptive. **"**Here for another cat fight?" Blair opened up her red purse and pulled out a piece of paper causing Serena to question, "What's that?"

Blair willingly answered, **"**A letter, I wrote it to you when you were away at boarding school. I never sent it."

Blair opened her letter and read: "Dear Serena. My world is falling apart. My father left my mother for a thirty-one year old model. A _male_ model. I feel like screaming because I have no one to talk to. You're gone. My dad is gone. Nate's acting weird." She paused, "Where are you? Why won't you call?" Blair's teary eyes met Serena's as she said, "Why did you leave without saying goodbye?" She looked back down at the letter as her voice cracked, "You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much." She took a deep breath and finished, "Love Blair."

Serena asked, "Why didn't you send it? I would ha-"

Blair attacked, her pain showing clearly, "You would have what? You knew Serena and you didn't even call."

Serena avoided eye contact as she explained, "I didn't know what to say to you or even how to be your friend after what I did"

She apologized, "I'm so sorry"

There was a brief pause before Blair continued, "Erik told me what happened." Serena looked up at Blair, "I guess your family's been going through a hard time too."

Serena nodded her head. Blair looked down, before returning to Serena with a small smile on her lips. Serena reciprocated the smile. A truce seemed to be reached after all.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing all the previous chapters. Hope you liked this one!


	6. Broken

Chapter 6 of If We Were a Movie

_**Chapter 6: Broken**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

Thanks to Tati for Betaing!

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know your alive_

_  
_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

"Miss Blair, Miss Eleanor says you wore dress last summer." Dorota informed Blair but received no response. "Miss Blair! Miss Blair!"

The elevator doors parted and a guest stepped onto the black and white floor.

Blair screeched as she stormed down the steps to see who had arrived, "Shut up! I heard you. I'm getting a new dress." _Well, after I see who this is._

Her stomach dropped as she saw the guest was a man. _Nate, maybe?_ _He must have missed me this weekend._ She allowed her hopes to rise and they then came crashing down, as did Blair's new smile, at the sight of Chuck in her living room.

"You seem to be in fine bitch form today." An unwanted Chuck smirked, "Reason?"

Blair retorted, "Do I need one?"

"Of course not. No one likes a good bitch like Chuck Bass, but your reluctance to tell me a reason means you have one," Chuck grinned.

Blair just glared at him.

"Should I guess again, like I did about your parents' divorce?" Blair flinched at the word 'parents'. "It's them again. Well one's in France so maybe just your mother this time."

She rolled her eyes at his correct guess.

She attacked, "Why do you do that? Get some sick pleasure in figuring out the reason of my misery?"

"Pleasure in your attempt at showing me contempt, maybe," Chuck explained.

They were still standing where the conversation had started. Chuck had leaned up against a wall; he surveyed the room at a pause in their chat, and then sat down on the steps.

"Where are you going?" Blair snapped

"Relax, Waldorf. Just getting more comfortable"

"Why would you want to do that?" She ordered, "You're leaving."

"I don't think so. I need to hear all the dirt. Join me?" He put on his most seductive face, softly patting the spot on the stair next to him.

Blair was disgusted, but she sat down next to him anyway and said, "Are we going to share our life stories now?"

"I already know your life story. What did she do?"

"Well she asked me to model her line . . ."

Chuck cut her off and leered, "I think I'm going to like this."

"I'm leaving." Blair stood up, to walk up the stairs.

"Not so fast," Chuck put his hands around her waist, pulling her close to him, her back on his chest.

"Get off of me now Chuck or I'll scream." Blair's tone deadly as she continued, "With your rapist-friendly rap I'm sure Dorota won't hesitate to hit you with her wooden spoon"

"No more comments, I promise," Chuck said in an over-the-top manner into Blair's ear. He dropped his hands. Turning around, Blair shoved his face away from hers and sat down again. This time 3 steps above Chuck.

"Is that really necessary, Blair?"

"I might have to make a quick escape, Bass."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair finished with, "But me and S made up, so it's fine."

Chuck laughed, "Completely fine."

"Of course."

"That's why you spent the past thirty minutes telling me about your days in detail. Not that I mind, the view was nice." He tipped his head in the direction of Blair's shirt that had slipped slightly. She pulled it up immediately.

"You really should leave. Now." Blair said as she stood up. "It's a school night."

"Such a good little girl, too bad Eleanor doesn't see that"

Blair's eyes darkened, and he noticed. "See, you're not okay."

"Now you really do know everything Chuck. No need to stick around here anymore."

"I'm always around, Blair."

"Even when you're unwanted," Blair said as a small smile formed on her lips.

"Yes, then, too," he smirked.

"What _was_ the reason for your unwanted appearance in the first place?" Blair kinked her eyebrow as she spoke.

"Ah, yes. I need your help inflicting revenge on a former golden boy."

"I'm intrigued, Chuck, and I do love social destruction." She leaned in as she breathed, "Who's the candidate?"

"Carter Baizen. He has PJ and my baseball."

"Naming your scarf was bad enough, but your watch, too?" Blair drawled. "Hmm, we could get him arrested for drug possession. It was good enough for Nate, right?" Blair giggled to herself.

Chuck smiled at her, "Be serious here. No one screws over Chuck Bass and gets off without a scratch."

The light went on in Blair devious mind and she filled Chuck in. "Fine, how about . . ."  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I suppose I'll make my exit now."

"Finally," Blair smiled.

"Sweet dreams, Blair." Chuck muttered sarcastically as he entered the elevator.

The doors shut and Blair made her way upstairs to find the dress to send to the tailor for the next event she would be attending, feeling a little lighter. She had someone who didn't favor a blond over her or inadvertently take everything, even if it was Chuck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

Eleanor looked down a Blair with sympathetic eyes, and said, "I have some bad news. Terry that fool of a photographer thinks we need to go in a different direction."

"With the theme?" Blair said, holding out hope.

Eleanor answered, "With the model."

Blair let out a defeated, "Oh"

"I hired these people for their expertise and ultimately they felt we would be doing the brand a disservice." Eleanor explained. Playing affectionately with Blair's chocolate hair, she continued, "But I told them to screw themselves."

Blair's face lit up, as she questioned, "What?"

"I told them my daughter is beautiful and exactly who I want representing my company."

"You did that?" Blair said as she went into her mother's waiting arms.

"Anything for my daughter." She finished with a wink, "Besides my approval is the only one that really matters."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

Blair showed the dress to her mother, and asked, "Meet your approval?"

"It'll have to do, I guess," Eleanor said with what she thought was a warm smile. "You should go to bed, Blair. Don't want to get rings under those pretty eyes of yours."

Blair croaked, "No, I wouldn't want that." She turned around, and began to leave, so her mother would never see the tear slide down her cheek.

* * *

Sorry it took so long for the update. Hoping all the CB will make up for it, lol.


	7. Fate

_**Chapter 7: Fate**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

Thanks to Tatiana!

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! I'm sorry I took so long to updated again. Hope it's worth the wait :)

* * *

_Fate is kind  
She brings to those who love  
A sweet fulfillment of their secret dreams  
Like a boat out of the blue  
Fate steps in and see's you through_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

_Nate asked for the family ring, he's thinking about our future together. _

Blair was in a blissful haze, her dream seemingly becoming a reality as she gushed, "I can remember the first time I ever saw him, maybe we were just little kids, but I knew. He's the one I want to marry. And now it seems that he feels the same way, too."

_He knows we belong together._

Jenny stared at her feet, eyes glassy, fidgeting. Blair glanced at her, suspicion in her gaze.

Blair snapped, her tone cutting, "Why are you not happy for me?"

Jenny was evasive, avoiding the truth and avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry... it's just been a really weird week, umm, there's this stuff with my parents. My family... so maybe I should just go."

Blair challenged, "No! Maybe you should look me in the eye and tell me what you're hiding."

She put on her sugary voice, her persuasive spell coating every word she spoke. "Are you jealous?"

"Of you and Nate?"

Her façade was still perfectly in place, but the tension was building in the room. "Do you like him?"

She denied it immediately with a forceful "No!"

"You think because you talked to him once in the hall, you might have a shot . . ."

"Blair, it's nothing like that."  
_  
He wouldn't look twice at her, anyway. __He__ loves me. _

Her stomach twisted slightly, because he had certainly had a thing for blonds in the past, but that was Serena. Everyone picked Serena over Blair, but Blair was at least certain she was better then little Jenny.

_She's a pathetic freshman. _

Blair's eyes zeroed in on Jenny, trying to invoke as much pain in her glare as possible, before she attacked. "So, tell me, what is it like?"

Quieter now, Jenny's voice was slower as she spoke, "I don't want to hurt you."

"How could you hurt me?" The idea was ludicrous; she was just an insignificant freshman.

Jenny's eyes darted across the room and back. "Yesterday wasn't the first time I talked to Nate. At the ball he told me he wasn't over Serena."

Blair's insides caved in at the mention of that blond. Tears began to stain her face.

_Not again. She was a past interference and she's supposed to stay there. _

Blair asked quietly, "Why would he tell you that?"

_This was supposed to be our time. No Serena, just us, and he had to drag her into it. _

Jenny explained, "Because I was wearing her mask, and he thought I was her. He kissed me."

_He put his lips on this little witch._

_He Cheated. _

Blair's insides were disgusted as her mind swirled with images of Nate's lips on Jenny's.

_We are the way it's supposed to be. I thought he figured that out, but he's __confessing love for__ her. He's supposed to love me, and only me. Why her? What do I do that makes loving me so hard?_

She needed to regain control. "That's enough."

Enough of everything.

Blair wanted to snap in two. Her heart needed a home outside her body so someone else could feel its aching. Take all the weight off her shoulders. The images, all the thoughts that creeped in, were ruining her perfectly crafted world. Someone else could have them.

Jenny seemed like a good candidate to Blair. She deserved to feel the pain her words were inflicting.

"Blair, I didn't want you to find out-"

Blair exercised her power. "You're dismissed, Jenny. For good."

The teary-eyed freshman slumped away.

Blair breathed; gasping for something an empty room could not give her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hey, you look beautiful tonight. Anything on your mind?

She blinked, responding, "No. Is there anything you wanna say?"

He uttered a single word: "No."

He wasn't lying. There was nothing he wanted to say. Nothing he felt obligated to share.

So Blair went back into her trance and played her part, even though this was all too much for her. Cracks were appearing, leaking the real pain behind the paint on her face.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Nate was trying to escape with his hand on the door to a limo.

Blair rushed up to him, asking urgently, "What are you doing?" She slammed the door shut.

He answered unenthusiastically, "Going to Victrola. I promised Chuck, it's important to him."

_He's just going to leave after what I saw. _

"I saw your father get arrested. Why didn't you come to me? I would have listened."

_I'm always here, and he never cares. _

He was tenser now. "I've tried Blair, but every time I try, something's got your attention. A dinner party, you know, a masked ball."

_My plans are the problem? He's going around behind my back because of that?_

His words enraged her. He didn't get to talk about masked balls.

She took the moment to talk about what was really bothering her, venting, "Yeah, let's talk about that masked ball. Let's talk about how when I was waiting for you to find me so we could finally be together, you were confessing your feelings and kissing Serena."

_I'm always waiting. I can't anymore. I can't take this. _

Emotion welled up from her stomach, sitting in her throat. She felt uncomfortable. Tears were waiting to spill over uncontrollably.

"I thought I was doing everything right."

_How am I always wrong?_

"It's not your fault." He looked to the ground.

_Is he saying it's his fault? _

Blair felt a new feeling. She felt a resolve to blame him for what he did.

"Do you love me?"

_He's supposed__ to. But he's not answering. Maybe he needs a moment_

The question hung in the night air. He glanced at her for a moment, then his blue eyes returned to the side walk.

_I wouldn't need a moment. He should know. After all this time, he can't even answer this one simple question. What is all this for if he doesn't even love me? Why do I try so hard?_

She covered her face with her small hands. Breaking the silence, Blair met his eyes and said, "You should deal with your father. He needs you, and you know what? I don't."

She turned around a got in the limo, leaving Nate alone on the curb. She needed to get away from him as soon as possible or she would break on street in the middle of the night.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chuck Bass.

That's who she was carried off too. That's who she sipped champagne with and with whom she bantered the night away.

And that's who was looking at her now, as she swayed on the stage in her state of undress.

She expected to see desire in his gaze. She saw that, but there was more. In the depth of his small, pretty eyes was a look—an emotion that Blair had never seen before.

No one had ever lookedat her the way Chuck was staring at her now.

She was the only girl on the planet, and he was looking at her like she was the thing holding him onto the earth, keeping him alive.

What Chuck Bass was before Blair Waldorf, she doesn't know, because tonight, it's just about her. Only her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"You were amazing up there."

She gazed at him now. Looking him over, she thought he had a nice face and small, pouty lips. She slid closer to him. Being near him was easier then she thought.

She thought what kissing those lips would be like. Then she did.

It was effortless. Complications weren't for tonight.

He said a simple phrase, but spoke with a sincerity that surprised her. "Are you sure?"

Tonight, she was sure. She waited so long for this moment, so why not now? She kissed him again.

She felt so weightless. Her heart seemed lighter at the moment, like it really was inside someone else, but she could feel it beating inside of her own body.

Her strap was in between his fingers. As he brushed her skin, it felt like fire burning her alive, exhilarating in every way. She was more awake then she had been in a long time, and yet her mind wasn't racing.

She had a bit of fear pulsing in her stomach, but he kissed her lightly and subdued the feeling. She couldn't understand how he had that power over her and for one night she didn't need to. Maybe she wasn't doing a good enough job of attempting to understand what was happening, but this felt good.

Blair Waldorf was enjoying losing her virginity to Chuck Bass.

That was the scarier then the act itself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

"Get out," he barked.

Blair had just had the worst night of her life. She had slept with Chuck Bass.

It hurt, he was hairy, and his natural musk was not exactly appealing.

She hopped out of the limo, her clothes disheveled. Blair turned back to say good bye, but she almost got ran over. He just sped off, leaving her on the curb.

This was all wrong: the wrong person, in the wrong way, at the wrong time.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

Why wasn't this all wrong?

She scanned through the memory, hunting for some moment of imperfection, wanting to pounce on it and make a way bigger deal out of it then she should. She couldn't find a problem.

It was all right, and that sent a shiver down her spine.

He couldn't have been sweet and tender; he couldn't have asked if she was sure. But as she reviewed the memory, she knew that he did all those things.

He had his hand on her wrist, moving his finger up and down her arm slowly. Her head was on the back of the seat. His head leaned back as well, only six inches away from her.

He was giving her chills, and he knew it. That infuriated her.

His eyes devoured her, but she saw that hint at something more behind the gaze.

She felt an abrupt stop to the vehicle. She was home. She moved to unattach herself from him, and muttered "Bye, Bass."

He spoke, his voice husky, and smirked, "Ah, not without a proper goodnight."

He put his hand on her waist and pulled her back to him.

She felt his hot breath on her skin. His lips grazed hers slightly. He then deepened the kiss. His lips stayed gentle against hers, but his touch invoked more passion now.

She lost herself for a moment before pulling away, catching his eye, that unknown quality still present.

He murmured, "Goodnight, Blair." He didn't speak loudly.

She gave him a small smile as she made her exit, and his eyes shined brighter.

Blair wanted her own bed. She was relaxed and needed to sleep.

This would make sense in the morning, when she no longer smelled of him, when the memory of his kisses had faded and the sharp pain returned to her heart. Then her mind would work properly again.

* * *


	8. Breathe

Chapter 8:

_**Chapter 8: Breathe**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

Thanks to Tatiana!

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter!

* * *

_And I give you just a little time  
I, wonder if you realize  
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes_

_If I just breathe  
Let it fill the space between  
I'll know everything is alright  
Breathe  
Every little piece of me  
You'll see  
Everything is alright  
If I just breathe  
Breathe_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality: 

"Blair! Blair, stop!" Serena called after a distraught Blair. "You can talk to me."

Blair turned around to face her. Tears were falling from her eyes, and her face was a little red as she explained, "We ended it."

_I said it. Finally. Breathe._

"I wanted to tell you, but then part of me thought that if I didn't say it aloud, that it wouldn't be true."

_It's really true now._

Serena wiped a tear from her best friend's face and pulled her in for a much needed hug.

Blair's crying persisted. "It was my birthday wish for us to get back together."

She pulled away as she continued. "Now I think it's really over."

_Nate__ and I, we were never supposed to be over. We were going to get married and have it all. Not anymore… At least not tonight. _

"Is it okay if I just want to be alone for a second?" She didn't even finish speaking before hiding herself in a secluded room.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

Blair was pacing up on the roof, waiting.

_He's being forced to do this. You deserve better Blair. And he'll miss you when you're gone. He just doesn't know what he has right now._

Her phone buzzed and lit up and she rushed to answer it. "Hello," she cooed.

"Happy Birthday, Blair!" It was Nate's voice on the other line.

Blair felt relieved he called but knew what she had to do. "Thanks, Nate." She smiled to herself. "So how are things with your parents?"

"What does that have to do with anything right now?" He said, keeping his voice casual. "Tonight is about us."

"It has everything to do with us, especially if you only want to get back together with me because your father is forcing your hand."

She waited for his response. She could hear him breathing heavily through the phone.

"I'm sorry, Blair."

"Yeah, me too," she said, defeated. "But we're so over."

"Blair-"

She cut him off. "I gotta go and get back to my party. Bye." She mumbled and hung up. A few tears stung the corners ofher eyes, but she composed herself.

_You don't want someone who doesn't want you. He'll come to his senses. Just breathe. _

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality: 

Blair sat up as she saw a figure entered the room. She snapped, "I'm not in the mood, Chuck. This is pretty much the worst birthday ever."

"Maybe it can be salvaged."

She glanced at the box and remarked, "What is that, our sex tape?"

Chuck opened the box, and Blair's eyes widened.

_Chuck did not get me that. You don't buy diamond necklaces for one night stands._

Shock filled her voice as she softly whispered, "It's the Erikson Beaman necklace."

Chuck took the necklace from its container and went to place it on its new owner. Blair muttered, "No, I couldn't."

He reassured her, saying, "Yes, you can."

Heput the necklace on her; she bowed her head for him. He touched her delicately as he placed the necklace, making sure everything was perfect.

_Breathe._

She caught her reflection in the mirror, and saw her own eyes were glassy, but she didn't feel sad.

"Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on something worthy of its beauty."

_Beautiful._

Blair wouldn't normally describe herself as that, but in that moment she felt pretty.

She moved her head to feel the necklace, to make sure it had allactually happened. Chuck looked to her, sincerity ringing in his voice as he said, "I really am sorry."

_Chuck apologized?_

Blair wasn't expecting that, but forgot what she was thinking as he once again touched the necklace.

His hand brushed against her, and she felt a rush in her stomach. He softly took hold of her hand, brushing his lips on her shoulder. Her whole left side felt warm at his touch.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair's voice was thick from lack of use as she said, "This is so weird." Chuck shrugged, urging her to explain further. "I am so not used to waking up with _you _next to me." She put on a tone of disgust as she spoke.

"I'm sure it's the lack of clothes that confuses you. But, trust me, I really prefer it that way," he bit back.

"And here I thought you just enjoyed my company."

"I do," Chuck replied earnestly**.** He stared intensely at Blair before amending his statement. "But as a general rule, I really feel the less clothes, the better."

He was smirking now, and Blair wanted to smack him but resisted the urge, wrapping the sheet tighter around her body instead.

They didn't talk for a few minutes, and Blair let her thoughts wander. She needed to figure out how to handle this situation, since he obviously just wasn't going to leave her alone.

Now that her relationship with Nate seemed to be at an end, _this_ didn't have to end.

Then she opened her eyes and saw Chuck looking back at her. That seemed the hardest part to grasp. That it was Chuck Bass, with all that his name implied, looking back at _her_. He was a boozing womanizer, who now also was the only man she'd ever slept with. Blair couldn't see herself involved with him. And yet here she was.

Her stomach felt all wrong. She needed to get out of here. Now.

Carefully, Blair leaned over and picked up her dress and undergarments off the floor. She had to stretch to reach them all, but eventually managed to capture them.

Not wanting to show Chuck anymore of her body then she already had, she tried to throw her clothes on from under the sheet. It was a bit tricky, but Blair finally got her dress on.

Chuck laughed at how ridiculous she looked. "Don't have to be so shy. You certainly weren't last night."

Blair felt the urge to slap him again, and this time she didn't fight it. Her hand left a red imprint on his face.

"What the hell was that for?" He roared. He sat up rapidly as he spoke.

"I don't even know what I'm still doing here!" She said as she tried to get up and leave.

He sprinted around to her side, grabbing her arm.

He spoke in a low voice into her hair. "You're not gonna just skip out on me. . ."

Blair jerked away and turned to face him. She pushed him away, and he kept his distance, wanting to avoid any more physical injury.

"Why not? It shouldn't bother you, you scheming man whore!" Blair yelled.

Chuck laughed harshly, "You and me happen to share that first habit. You ruined Serena and helped me give Carter Baizen what was coming to him."

"Well, you never told me how that went, so I assumed you never followed through." She glared at him, momentarily side-tracked by the possibility of a juicy story.

"Everything worked perfectly. I invited him for a drink, and the little punk showed. I told him I thought it was best to clear the air and offered my sincerest apologies in the form of Melinda. You should have seen his face when he ran out of the back of the bar, ass out, yelling like a girl." Chuck grin grew winder as he went through his story before he deadpanned, "He didn't seem too thrilled with what Melinda was sporting in 'her' pants."

Bair's tone was lighter as she said, "You pulled it off." Her face hinted at a bit of admiration.

Chuck, feeling it was safe, walked over to her as he asked, "Impressed?"

She was a little, but Chuck didn't need to know that information. Her eyes fluttered a few times because he was entirely too close. She wouldn't let him get to her again.

_I will my self to walk away right now._

But she stayed grounded where she was, enjoying the feeling of his eyes on her. She finally answered, "Of course not." And Chuck kissed her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blair found herself once again devoid of clothing, and lying next to Chuck Bass.

It was becoming routine for her, actually, and she didn't particularly like that thought.

It scared her.

Why didn't she just walk away? Why in the world did she find herself attracted to him?

Blair wasn't sure, and that was another scary thing. Not knowing something meant Blair couldn't control anything about it.

The only answer she had was that he made her feel good at the time.

Blair rolled over instinctively and found her head on Chuck's chest. She would have flinched away, but he put his arm around her.

So she lay there with him, and Chuck held her. This felt good, too. She even had a peaceful smile on her lips.

Maybe she didn't need to go anywhere. She wasn't doing anything wrong.

She finally decided she deserved to feel good if she wanted to.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chuck eyed Blair as she put on her heels, buttoning the last button on his shirt as he did.

It was too quiet, so he smirked, "Let's do this again sometime." And he meant what he said.

Blair took a deep breath and then uttered, "Okay."

Chuck's face betrayed his shock, but he covered it up with a sincere smile.

"I'll give you a ride home," he offered.

"Fine, but _just_ a ride this time," she countered.

He gestured with his hands towards the door. "Whatever you say, Waldorf."

* * *


	9. Tied Together With a Smile

_**Chapter 9: Tied Together With A Smile.**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

**A/N: **I am so sorry this took so long. I was just really blocked on this chapter. Hopefully I'll start updating more regularly again.

Thanks to Tatiana!!

* * *

_Hold on, baby, you're losing it  
The water's high, you're jumping into it  
And letting go and no one knows  
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone  
That you might not be the golden one  
And you're tied together with a smile  
But you're coming undone_

Reality:

Blair Waldorf couldn't handle this.

She was feelings too many things.

It was burning her insides, _not good enough, not good enough, not good enough_.

The mantra repeated in the back of her head like her heart beats.

She faked her smile all through dinner.

When she left the table, she knew she needed to take things back into her control.

And so she did, the only way she knew how.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This was officially the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. After everything that had happened today, somehow, she had ended up pacing outside room 1812.

She glanced at the door. He was right inside, probably drinking a scotch. Or he could be doing God knows what with God knows who.

She immensely preferred to think that he was drinking himself to an early grave.

That was when she heard the door creak open.

"Waldorf, were you planning on knocking eventually?"

Blair's body tightened, and she began looking at her surroundings.

"How did you know I was out here?" She asked, though she didn't allow herself to turn around. She didn't need to see his face to know there was a smirk adorning it. "You're not, like, having someone follow me, are you?"

He walked closer to her as he said, "May I remind you that you're the one who is waiting outside my suite at 9:00 at night on Thanksgiving."

He was right behind her. His hot breathe causing goose bumps to erupt on her neck and shoot down her spine.

"Someone complained that a beautiful girl was muttering incoherently outside of my suite, said if I didn't come outside and claim her, he would."

Chuck wrapped his arms around her small waist.

Blair found her own voice and murmured, "What are you doing?"

"Claiming you," he whispered.

He planted a soft kiss on her neck.

"I don't belong to you."

"Maybe not, but your virginity does." His voice was a soft as his lips had been. She could feel them pull into a grin against her neck.

"Fine, I'll come inside." Blair tried to sound as put off as possible.

She unclasped herself from him and darted into the room.

He watched her and made a mental note, because she hadn't once looked him in the eye during their conversation.

She was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room when Chuck joined her.

He didn't hesitate to move right in front of her.

"Blair." His fingertips gently urged her chin up so she could look at him.

She kept her eyes downcast.

"Look at me," he pleaded.

She surrendered, but wanted to look away from the scrutiny of his gaze. It was too intense, and it was making her stomach feel all funny.

It was a stronger feeling then it had been after her birthday.

She decided she didn't like this emotion anymore. It was dangerous.

He traced the outline of her cheekbone, his eyes still showering her with devotion.

Yep, this fluttering was definitely going to be a problem. But she still couldn't look away because the rush she felt right then was so addictive.

This was more then just feeling 'good.'

This was what being truly alive felt like.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

"Blair, I saw you with Chuck."

_How do I explain that? She'll never understand. _

"I don't know what I was thinking. I mean sleeping with him once, maybe I could understand, but twice?"

**"**Wait, you slept with him?" Serena said in shock.

_Great, Serena, scream for the whole world to hear. _

"Shh!"

"Blair!"

She snapped, "What happened to no judging?

"I'm not. So twice?" Serena kinked her eyebrow mid speech.

Blair laughed, "After my party. He bought me this diamond necklace."

"Chuck Bass bought a girl jewelry? I never thought I'd see the day." The awe in Serena's voice did not go unnoticed.

Serena gave her friend a small smile and asked, "You're happy, right, B?"

"Yeah, I'm happy S." Blair nodded.

Blair tried to stop herself but failed. Her lips spread into a smile.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

"This is fucking delicious."

"Do you have to be so crude?" Blair blanched.

"I've recently heard some very dirty words come out of that pretty little mouth of yours, Blair." His eyes were shining right into her.

She didn't have a mirror around, but she knew she must be blushing.

She hated that he could make her do that.

"Am I supposed to sit here and watch you eat?" Blair said in a bored tone.

"What would you like to do, Princess?" Chuck asked.

"Don't call me that, Chuck."

"Never again, Your Highness," he smirked.

"Chuck!"

He laughed at her reaction, and she bit back the smile that was forming over her mouth at the sound. He laughed so rarely. The fluttering started again at the thought that she was the one who could bring it out in him.

"We could watch a movie?" He suggested. "Your pick."

"Even if it's a chick flick, Bass?" She teased.

"For you, Waldorf, why not," he grinned.

She looked at him with excited eyes and smiling lips. She tugged at his hand and heart simultaneously, pulling him over to the cabinet where she knew the DVDs were.

She squeezed the hand that was entwined with her own when he pulled out the case to her favorite movie: Breakfast at Tiffany's.

When she was safely in his arms, as she watched him watch the movie, that was when she kissed him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

She walked past a mirror as she snuck back into her room.

Her hair was a mess and all of her makeup had come off.

She almost didn't notice the curve of her lips. They had been that way for hours, her face felt weird when she forced her mouth to return to its natural state.


	10. Forever Young

_**Chapter 10: Forever Young**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

Thanks Lynne!!

* * *

_Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while,  
Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies,  
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,  
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?_

Reality: 

Chuck was nipping at Blair's neck, making it very hard for her to walk, let alone speak. But she had to say something; this was not something she should be doing with him in the middle of the hallway, though it did seem intriguing . . .

_No, Blair, no! _

She was spending too much time with the Basstard.

Blair finally found her voice, and squealed, "Chuck! You have to stop. Dorota's probably watching from around the corner."

"So?" he said, his breath ghosting the nape of her neck. "She can enjoy the show." He smiled and placed a kiss just below her ear, eager to resume their previous activities.

"You are so gross." She tried to sound disgusted, she really did, but she knew he knew she was smiling. These days, she couldn't help but smile when he was around.

This was not a fair fight.

"And you love every minute of it."

_See, he knew! He always knew! It was so infuriating . . . _

And then his lips were back on her neck and her train of thought was inevitably lost.

"Only a mind as delusional as yours would think that." She said, hoping her tone was even, but at his chuckle she knew she'd failed miserably.

"I think my mind is very sound – advanced, even." Chuck gripped Blair's shoulders, turning her to meet him face to face. "I bet I can even predict the future."

"Now you're just being ridiculous," Blair mocked.

"I'll tell you what we will be doing on that bed of yours in exactly fifteen minutes."

His breath was hot on her face. _Scotch_.

Even at four o'clock in the afternoon he smelled of scotch.

"And what would that be, Bass?" she teased as Chuck leaned in and pressed his body flush against hers.

He murmured a certain expletive in her ear and even though she blushed crimson and her knees felt as though they may give out at any moment, she still dragged him inside her room and hungrily met his lips with her own.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

_"But only as friends."  
_

"_Just friends."_

_Just friends._

Blair's earlier conversation echoed in her head. She lay on the bed where she had just moments earlier faked her virginity. Her back was ridged; making sure none of her was touching him. She was waiting for him to fall asleep, so she could - and would - leave as fast as her four-inch-heal-wearing feet could carry her.

This was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life and Nate would never understand her need to run away from everything that reminded her of this event.

Everything that reminded her of this event reminded her of why she did it in the first place. For it was not out of love or even for passion's sake alone. It was all because of Chuck fucking Bass.

She had just gotten everything she ever wanted, or so she'd thought. But all Blair could think about was how in the world she had allowed herself to end up in this place.

Why did Chuck do this to her? No matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, he was who she wanted to spend tonight with. His warm body should be the one next to hers.

Movie:

"You want to sleep?" Blair, wrapped in his arms and her silk sheets, said playfully to Chuck. "Seriously?"

"Yes, Meredith," He drawled, but his signature smirk still managed to creep onto his face. "I need to recuperate."

She smirked right back at him and said, "I am not some whiny unlikable leading character. My life it supposed to be Breakfast at Tiffany's, not a strange hospital where everyone's personal lives are more important then the patients with strange and life threatening ailments."

"I think you should change the title of your movie to 'lots of mind blowing sex with Chuck.' It would be far more enjoyable, I can assure you," he leered.

She looked at him, hopeful that maybe he'd decided to scrap that inane sleep idea after all, only to have him to shoot her down.

"After I get my beauty sleep, Waldorf." He winked at her, obviously pleased to have her so flustered.

"Well Bass, I'm pretty sure that for that to work the participant has to actually have to beauty to begin with," she deadpanned.

"That one cut me deep, Blair." He feigned hurt, even going so far to grasp at his chest.

"And people say that I'm the over dramatic one," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"You are over dramatic." He replied instantly.

She turned away from him then, but he snaked his arms around her small waist. "You're making this too easy, you're practically proving my point," he whispered.

"Am not!" she shrilled, the vibrations of his laugh on her bare back sending shiver down her spine.

He ran his hands up and down her arms, silently coaxing her to turn back around, which finally, she did.

He placed an unruly curl behind her ear, staring at her in a way that thrilled and unnerved her simultaneously before he continued, "There are pros to your over reactions."

"Oh, well I'm so glad you think so," she snapped at him. He silenced her with a lingering kiss.

"For every time we have some trivial little fight. . . "

"This is not trivial!"

He locked her arms over her head, hovering above her. ". . . we then get to have make up sex." And then he was kissing her again and doing more then kissing her.

It was all so effortless. Never perfect, but special somehow anyway.

Normally the imperfections would have bothered Blair immensely, but for some reason she always seemed to find herself too preoccupied with Chuck to care.

Imperfection had its benefits.

Reality: 

Nate's breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep and Blair was dismayed to find her own heart still racing as fast as the thoughts flying through her head.

Blair peaked over her shoulder to see Nathaniel Archibald with a contented smile on his perfect face. Not too long ago she would have given anything to look over and be able to see him next to her, because that would mean they had finally had their perfect night together.

Now that she had her wish, she felt so hollow and alone. This wasn't perfect, or even _close_ to being perfect . It wasn't even special in an imperfect way, it just… was.

She faced him, wanting to pinch him –yes, normally you would pinch yourself, but Blair Waldorf would not risk a bruise – and wake up from all this.

She wanted to go back to before Chuck. To a time when she wouldn't have been able to compare the feel of Chuck's demanding lips against hers, to Nate's renewed enthusiasm. Especially because his enthusiasm didn't seem to be able to make up for his lack of passion.

If she had never had Chuck then she wouldn't know now what she was missing. And Blair thought she would prefer it that way.

If there was anything this "event" showed her, it was that you could never really go back to how things once were.

* * *


	11. I Was Made For Loving You

_**Chapter 11: I was made for loving you. **_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

Thanks to Lynne!!

* * *

_Tonight I wanna give it all to you  
In the darkness  
There's so much I wanna do  
And tonight I wanna lay it at your feet  
'Cause girl, I was made for you  
And girl, you were made for me_

Reality:

"Can I come in?" She quivered.

Chuck continued to stare at her, unable to speak. The expression that adorned his face was intense. He was always looking at her like he saw something no one else did, and even after all these weeks of him looking at her in that way of his, she still felt the shiver run down her spine. Eventually he inclined his head inside, but didn't break the unnerving silence that had stretched between them.

She stood in the middle of suite 1812, watching him stand just as awkwardly as she, keeping his distance.

"You can't say anything to him," she demanded.

"That's why you came here?" he asked, rhetorically.

She thought she detected a bit of disappointment in his rough voice.

"Of course, I have no other reason to want to see you," she said icily.

"Well, not very long ago you were knocking down my door to see me, preferably without any clothes." He sneered.

"That was then, this is now." She kept her tone even, blocking memories from their not so distant past.

"And so much has changed since then? Hopping in the sack with Nathaniel completely turned you off to sex?" He chuckled darkly.

"No, ugh! This is not what I came to talk about," she bit out. He was taking this conversation out of her control, and Blair could never how allow Chuck to take away her control ever again.

"What did you come to talk about then, Princess?" he questioned, avoiding her now and looking at the wall as if he was bored with her. He wanted her to think he was, that he didn't need her or want her, that it wasn't killing him to be in the same room as her now that she was no longer his to kiss, to touch, to want.

"You have to keep quiet. Nate would never speak to you again if you didn't." She spoke with all the confidence she could not seem to muster at that moment.

"Maybe, but he'd never look at you either," Chuck explained, his voice soft. Quiet.

"You have nothing to gain from talking, so keep you mouth shut, Bass." She walked closer to him now, unable to express the anger bubbling within her with simple words.

"On one condition, Waldorf," he said menacingly.

"You have got to be kidding me." Blair scoffed.

"Did I sound like I was joking? I'll have to be more careful with my tone next time," he deadpanned.

"What could you possibly want? I'm not gonna sleep with you," she said, her words laced with disgust.

"And you won't be sleeping with Nate either." He shrugged.

"You're being ridiculous, Chuck!" she whined. "Why do you care so much?"

"I don't," he lied convincingly. He wanted to not care so badly, but he just couldn't stop. He didn't know how to be in love right, but now it seemed he wasn't capable of falling out of love, either. "But the thought of you two together disgust me. So stay away from him and I won't say a thing."

"For how long?" she asked grudgingly.

"How's indefinitely for a time line?" he muttered. "Besides, I'm sure he won't even notice your absence." Another lie, Chuck had put up with Nate's ramblings about Blair for most of the trip, and Chuck just had to grin and bear it. Nate finally seemed to care or – at least think he thought he did. That boy may have been pretty but that didn't mean he didn't have terrible timing. "After all, it only took one measly phone call from me to lure him away from you."

"Don't talk about him like that. That's the love of my life you talking about," she added the second part to twist the knife that had been plunged into his heart the moment he'd seen Nate and Blair groping each other at Cotillion.

"Isn't it sad that the so called love of your life is so dense that he can't even realize someone had already popped your cherry by the time he got around to doing it." Chuck said harshly.

She smacked him hard across the cheek and the color that was rising in own her cheeks vanished. "You don't get to talk to me like that! I'm not the one who messed up here. This is all your fault." She was shouting now, shaking with rage.

"It's my fault," he reiterated.

"Yes." She nodded her head furiously as she spoke.

"Always my fault because I'm Chuck Bass. I'm not one of the Nathaniel Archibald's of the world but no matter how hard you try you will never be a Serena Van der Woodsen." He spat at her.

Warm tears started forming in the corners of her cold eyes. "My relationship with Nate might not be perfect . . ."

"That's the understatement of the year."

"But at least I won't end up alone. You don't care about anyone or anything, Chuck, and no one cares about you. I'll stay away from him for now, but you should really drop the jealous boyfriend act already. It doesn't suit you." And with that she left, waiting till she got into her town car before she let the tears spill from her eyes and the sobs wrack her upper body to the point where she thought she would split in half from the pain emanating from her chest.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

She walked into the Archibald home and shouted, "Nate!" A boy appeared from around the corner, but it was not who she'd come searching for. "What are you doing here Chuck?"

"Can't a boy hang out with his best friend?" he smirked.

"A boy can, but I was under the impression you were the devil incarnate," Blair said sarcastically.

"It's too bad Nate will never be able to enjoy your witty banter like I do. He probably can't even understand half of it."

At that Blair's lips traitorously pulled into a small smile. "Can't you fine someone else to torture?"'

He cornered her like a hawk. Blair knew she should move away but her legs were completely useless at the moment. She could feel his breath on her face as she stared, entranced by his moving lips.

"Probably," he whispered, "but I choose you."

His lips latched on to hers for a long, bruising kiss. Chuck's hands were rummaging through her curls, pulling her warm body impossibly close to his.

Her heart beat quickened and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered rabidly.

"I missed this," she gasped, as he moved his lips to suck on the pulse in her neck.

She had missed this, missed him. She didn't want to mean those words but she undeniably did.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

"About what you said before, I love you too. Always have, always will."

She wanted to mean the words. She willed her heart to beat a little faster, for the butterflies to flutter rapidly in her stomach. Neither happened.

She needed to mean these words. She could not end up alone. Serena had Brooklyn and Blair would have Nate. The universe had decided this long ago. He was who she was supposed to spend her life with.

So she ignored the fact that his kiss did not make her feel alive and warm and perfect, ignored the feeling that his kiss was more like a death sentence then anything else.

* * *


	12. Never Say Never

_**Chapter 12: Never Say Never**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.

AN: Thanks to Alicia!

* * *

_Picture, you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under your command  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
Steady your hand_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

"I knew you liked your kinks, but I never realized you were such a voyeur Chuck." She smirks at him.

He looks at her, eyes hardening instantly to cover the pain so visible just seconds before. She doesn't even have time to protest, he grabs her hand harshly and pulls her close to him, and into the nearest storage closet.

Once inside, Blair seethes, keeping her voice quiet, hoping not to give them away. "Hands off Bass! Who knows where they've been."

His nostrils flare and he backs her into a corner. "You used to like my hands on you, Waldorf. Brushing your hair out of your face, drawing circles around your . . . "

"No need to remind me of my brief mental insanity." She tries to get way, but he takes her pale hands and thrusts them over her head, tangling his leg between her parted thighs, trapping her.

"Hey now, we both know it was never brief." He bites back, leaning so close to talk in that way no one else does.

She forces her eyes to look into his, avoiding his full lips that are so tantalizingly close.

"Let me go, Bass."

"You don't really want me to."

She rolls her eyes and brings her lower lip between her teeth**,** biting down in her impatience to be free of this precarious situation.

He cracks his neck, now flushed with memories of how she used to nibble on his lower lip until it swelled slightly, just enough pain for it to be pleasurable.

She notices the change in him**. **His amber eyes are still hard but the intensity that radiates from him isn't just from the thrill of having the upper hand.

And in that moment, without him quite knowing it, the power shifts to her.

"Maybe not," she whispers.

"What was that?" But she knows he heard her loud and clear.

"I'm not going to say it again." She can't believe she said it aloud once, let alone that he hasn't caught her in the lie yet.

(Her eyes matched her mouth, and Blair Waldorf has never been as great of a liar as she likes to think she is.)

Her thumb traces circles on the back of his palm, and his grip loosens at the tender gesture. She smiles shyly, maneuvering his hand in hers, so they're fingers are gently entwined.

If one didn't know any better, which Blair Waldorf does of course, one would think they were a young couple in love.

He gapes at her, suspicion clouding his expression, but this is all she needs, with this opening and the slam of her foot, she's free and he hits his head on the wall behind him.

"Son of a bitch!" He fumes.

She holds her ground. "It was the only way."

"That's your fucking problem, you only see things one way. Like you're gonna die if it doesn't turn out that way. Life and your plan diverged a hell of a long time ago Blair. Get with the program."

"Oh just give up already Chuck! I'm never going to choose you over him, and I can't see why anyone else would**,**" she counters.

His eyes level with her and she sees pain there. A blink of her eye and she convinces herself it was just the way the light was hitting his face.

Blair straightens her shoulder and speaks with an arrogance Chuck would admire in a different scenario. "You're the one who needs to get with the program."

And then she walks away, and he lets her. No faintly heard 'Blair!' as she turns the corner. She doesn't even notice the distinct feeling of his eyes on her.

He gives up.

She doesn't feel bad for him, not really.

He's the beast, she's the beauty, and outside of fairytales that beast won't ever change into the Upper East Side Prince she needs.

It's better he breaks early, before someone really gets hurt.

_He's not hurt, no one can hurt him_, she repeats it over and over.

She doesn't feel bad for him, not really.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Movie:

She smiles at him slightly. He doesn't smile back. Chuck Bass rarely ever does, but he looks at her and motions the bartender she had just shooed away back over.

"Another."

He doesn't say anything to her. He seems so somber. This silence, it is killing her, but it isbetter than being alone.

"Are you going to just sit here the whole damn night Waldorf?" He questions, his eyes just grazing over her.

"Does it bother you?" She wonders aloud.

Chuck purses his lips, and then says so plainly, "Not really."

It's a small exchange, but she'll take it. Small talk can lead to more. Maybe they can start over, be friends like before,  
she'd like that.

Maybe just sitting here is enough for now.

Maybe.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Reality:

And then she walked away, and he lets her. No faintly heard 'Blair!' as she turns the corner. She doesn't even notice the distinct feeling of his eyes on her.

She feels nothing but the weight of rejection from the person who was always there lingering in the background, watching and waiting.

She'd wanted it to be like last time. She'd wanted him to fix what was broken like he had when she arrived at Victrola, all those many weeks before.

Blair longs to go back to that, to the feel the sway in her step and the flush on her cheeks. She misses looking in the mirror and seeing her eyes shine like the very diamonds he had bought her.

Now when she studies her reflection, all she sees is darkness.

* * *


End file.
